Questions

Question first appeared on September 22, 2002
In confessing my sins, I understand my guilt if I have anger against someone. However, I=m unsure of my role or my culpability if someone has anger against me, and I don=t feel that I=m guilty or responsible for it. Can you help me out?

Our Lord, Jesus Christ, is very clear in His ASermon on the Mountain@ as recorded in St. Matthew=s Gospel. Regarding your first point, He says, ABut I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother shall be in danger of the judgement. And whoever says to his brother, >Raca!= shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, >You fool!= shall be in danger of hell fire.@ (Matt. 5:22)

This verse expresses three degrees of Aanger:@ 1) Anger which is felt, but not revealed openly; 2) ARaca!@ implies the sound made when one clears his throat prior to spitting. Therefore, the anger is expressed as an insult, accompanied by external facial expressions such as a Asidelong glance,@ Aflaring of the nostrils,@ or Ascowling;@ 3) Anger which is openly put into words. All three are bad and result in condemnation.

Jesus goes on to say, concerning your second point, ATherefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.@ (Matt. 5:23,24) He also says later, ABut I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven;@ (Matt. 5:44,45a)

In other words, we are to try our best to reconcile with those who have anger toward us. We cannot be responsible, however, with how they receive our efforts.

Regarding this subject, on of my favorite quotes is from St. Maximos the Confessor: AIf you harbor rancor (bitter, long-lasting resentment) against anybody, pray for him and you will prevent the passion from being aroused; for by means of prayer to our Lord, and intercession to the holy Saints, you will separate your resentment from the thought of the wrong he has done to you. When you have become loving and compassionate toward him, you will wipe the passion completely from your soul. If somebody regards you with rancor, be pleasant to him, be humble and agreeable in his company and you will deliver him from his passion.@ (Philokalia, Book Two)